


Fighting Caves

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, Post-War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2003-02-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 09:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4216451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misery is abundant to the Elves serving under their Lords. Why should Thranduil care if his son is rather.. fond of Noldor? Is Glorfindel's wicked obsession really any of Elrond's business?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Scream for Daddy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

April 6

Nearing 3000 years, you'd think I'd be able to stand up for myself. Not against father, I can't, especially in the bright, torch lit dining hall where there hasn't been a ray of light in years. Ever, really, since it's underground and the ceiling hasn't been ripped off by a rampaging colony of monstrous ants in the history I've been around. Perhaps it's been blown apart by father's ill humour, though. I can't really say.

He sat and glowered at me in silence for a full five minutes before making an effort to consume something resembling food (some things in the Mirkwood kitchens these days can be argued against). I still didn't dare blink, remembering painfully my childhood experiences with the King and his hatred of mornings. Once, he even strung me up on the front gates for merely crawling into his bedroom at dawn. Take no twisted ideas; I was two at the time.

Finally, he got to his feet and stalked out of the hall snarling something about spawning little more than a Noldor-bedding hound. I could only draw reference to Huan. I wasn't aware I was so obscenely hairy, and I certainly don't bed Noldor. At home, anyway.

 

April 8

I still don't know what I've done to win father's disfavour. It must have been something horrendous, for he hasn't yet said one thing to me that's even remotely printable.

Some foolish rumour started by the Lake claims that Rivendell caught fire recently. I have to wonder if Glorfindel has slit his own throat if this is true. He's quite close to his wardrobe. Not that anyone should trust word from those Men - they've been a touch excitable about fire since the entire Smaug mix-up.

 

April 9

Glorfindel has arrived in a wretched state made worse by the usual greeting anyone gets around here after tromping mud through the corridors. Father was apoplectic with rage and personally confronted the haggard Glorfindel with a horribly spiked spear. Fortunately I was able to save him before father got really worked up. Why does everyone have to arrive in the morning, of all times? I fail to understand, since both Imladris and Lorien claim that Mirkwood does not rise until noon, and know how perfectly belligerent our King is at any time preceding six in the evening.

I guided the partially speared guest to a room, but either he was drunk or mindless (It's been said about the Vanyar), for there was no coherence to him at all and I could get no answers about his travels. I left quietly.

 

April 10

Apparently something in Rivendell had gone up in smoke - Elrond and his temper again, doubtlessly - and there are immigrants about to arrive. Namely the twins of Elrond. If they arrive in the morning, I'll find something 'important' to do while father mauls their bodies rather than help them survive. Best the line of Elrond perishes if those two are any example of the gene pool in Imladris.

I found Glorfindel wandering the hallways pattering on about Gondolin incoherently. Something has snapped in his mind, I'm quite certain. Perhaps I should help those blasted twins if they happen by. Whatever has scared our guest to insanity has to be something worth hearing.

Perhaps Gimli knows something about this traumatizing experience he can tell me when he returns from Gondor.

Father still isn't talking to me.

 

April 12

The Laiquendi are protesting the sudden influx of travelers. Father pointed out that the main pass was there before they branched out over the area. This was met with indignant snorts, but they aren't known for logical arguments, and Dwarves travelling the road underneath their homes is one illogical argument they will launch into with maniacal fervour. The courtly fights over Bilbo' s party fifty years ago still gives me nightmares. Gimli thought the entire situation was incredibly stupid. I had to agree.

Something dire had befallen the twins in Rivendell. Something Elrond will have incredible difficulty cooling down about. I gleefully await their arrival.

Gimli has agreed to harass them unendingly with me. The line of Oropher will have revenge.

 

April 21

Imagine my surprise when both the sons of Elrond and Haldir tromped in through the gates, across the threshold and immediately into a spare bench in the dining hall. They, like Glorfindel, were incoherent.

On my way out the door, I mentioned that the floor was a hideous, mucky mess because of these three and the maids really should be pointed in their direction. The guards grinned wickedly.

Score one point.

 

April 22

Celeborn is after Haldir's blood for something he hasn't done! It explains why he's fled Lorien, leaving his duties to Rumil and Orophin.

Grim-faced, and clothed in a hideous shade of teal (The maids took their revenge), Elrohir attempted to explain the situation. It was jumbled and Glorfindel was nowhere near to offer translation. Not that his own cryptic muttering was any more understandable, now that I think about it. SOMEthing got to them, because Haldir was generally mute, and I've never experienced that before. I have to say it was quite refreshing.

Elrond had been told of the twin's supposedly incestuous relationship, number one. From the way Elrohir stared fixedly at the floor, I suspect he's very, very guilty of the accusation. I'll have to ask Elladan.

I'm not sure what Glorfindel has to do with it all, but he always WAS an unknown entity. Perhaps just a lover's spat. After all, everyone knew about it, even if nothing was said. I dare say that Elrond is in no position to criticize his sons: he's bedding a Vanya. Or was, at any rate. Glorfindel has been predictably silent on this.

Celeborn discovered Haldir in some terribly perverted act, and again, body language indicated guilt. This is delightful. I've got enough blackmail for several centuries!

 

April 25

I face the terrible truth now. It's bitter, ever so bitter.

There was no way I could have known Celeborn had walked in on us! Much more important things were on my mind at the time, I assure you. And it wasn't terribly perverted! Celeborn's shock must have twisted his memory. Tying Haldir down isn't a necessarily bad thing.

So father dearest heard about my tryst, Celeborn is enraged, and Elrond beyond all boundaries of sanity. Glorfindel acts very strangely if anyone so much as mentions Half-Elven. He gets twitchy and looks like a cornered badger.

I'm sure whatever Elrond did to him is much worse than any perversion I can come up with, which is saying much.


	2. Of Cocktail Gowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misery is abundant to the Elves serving under their Lords. Why should Thranduil care if his son is rather.. fond of Noldor? Is Glorfindel's wicked obsession really any of Elrond's business?

May 1

Glorfindel has found his mind again, to the woe of all that live here. He's teamed up with the twins for support against the 'evil Sindar'. I don't think we are quite as wicked as he seems to think. Well, maybe only father.

The only comment I could get out of Elrohir was: "If I go home, I'll be staked to a tree by my own father, and if I stay, I shall be forced to wear miniskirts for all eternity. Lorien looks very pleasant." Haldir was quick to beat that notion out of his head.

The evening gowns in Elrohir's wardrobe was a personal touch, but the maids thought to trim the hem to about mid-thigh. He seemed mortally afraid of the things and fled his room in only a bath towel to strangle a guard and demand to know what we had against him.

I suppose he's forgotten the demi-war between our two families, the poor sod. Point two!

 

May 2

Gimli has become Haldir's 'bodyguard' on request. I hope he doesn't think the dwarf is actually going to help him in the least even if he falls to a pack of rabid Silvan.

 

May 3

Interesting day. Over the night, Gimli Elf-friend drugged Haldir, bricked up his door and cemented it with liquid mithril. It dried as the sun came up. The language drifting through the cracks in the wall was distinctly unpleasant, and it was kept up until three. The boundary warden managed to concoct some strange explosive and blew the entire wall and half the corridor to rubble. He stood triumphantly on the quivering bodies of the guards father posted at his door and crowed about his invincibility.

Father took one look at the mess, knocked him cross-eyed and dragged him forcibly to the dungeons.

He didn't return for several hours, and I'm afraid I know why.

 

May 10

I'm still struggling to comprehend the things my father is rumoured to be doing to Haldir.

 

May 11

The Twin Peacocks went hunting in the southern reaches of Mirkwood and returned looking very put out. Likely every monster in the area could see the bright blue and pink brothers coming for miles and fled before they could be completely blinded.

The two might also have noticed the ward on the wood, the ward that will stop them from fleeing our grasp. Elladan smelled faintly of burning hair, so I imagine they did.

Haldir has been allowed out of the dungeons, and father seems to be in a fairly good mood at all hours of the day. Haldir will do that to you, even if Celeborn goes on a rampage afterwards. I still don't see his problem with the entire thing. I thought it was rather pleasant.

 

May 13

Orophin came to collect Haldir and took him back to Lorien. Both of them looked rather traumatized at the thought of facing Celeborn again. Apparently the ordeal was very trying, from what Orophin told me. Something to do with chains.

Perhaps this perversion is genetic. Perhaps I should kill father and take his cooling body just to prove how disgusting - why am I even considering this?


End file.
